Left

out. Have you ever felt left out of something that maybe you really wanted to be a part of?

Honestly, I've been feeling that way a lot lately. Some of the things I'm not a part of are by choice (though t'was not an easy choice to make), others are not. I don't intend this to be a "woe is me ... boo hoo hoo" blog entry. I just need a chance to let my feelings out on the issue at hand. While I can't talk about all of the situations I'm currently feeling left out of, I can discuss a couple (for use as example) ...

Tyler and I are a part of a wonderful small group. I truly cherish the time that we spend with them on Tuesday nights. I always look forward to going and it's really a highlight in my week. There are 11 people who come to our small group. (I think I'm counting that correctly. If I didn't ... sorry about that ...)

Now, we knew that we're busy people, and that would mean that we would miss out on some things that we may want to be a part of but just can't. There's a book discussion that's about to start up at church. We're the only couple in our small group that's not a part of that book discussion. They're meeting on 3 Saturdays and we happen to be out of town 2 of those 3 weeks and Tyler's hitting a really busy time with STE and well ... we're still living in the reality of we just can't afford to do stuff like this right now. (There's a whole other blog about that festering inside of me at this point ... maybe later.) And yes, the books are available for a "donation", but it's just not a good time for us right now. But I'm kind of bummed. I'm feeling a bit left out.

Also going on at church, there is going to be a Spiritual Disciplines retreat at the end of the month. Again, it's bad timing for us. And again ... that ugly lack of money to do things is back on this too. But once again, we're the only people in our small group who aren't going on this weekend retreat.

Now, I realize that what I'm about to say is childish. I realize that it's dumb. I realize that I need to grow up and move on. But I'm going to say it none-the-less, and hopefully saying it will kick me in the butt and move me right along ... I feel like the fat kid at school all over again. I'm really feeling sorry and bummed and all that poopy stuff about and for myself right now. I'm sitting on the outside of a group that I really want to be a part of ... but can't.

I know that most everyone in my small group reads my blog. So please, this isn't directed at you. It's not to make you feel bad. It's just where I am. And I've had difficulty taking ownership of where I've been standing lately. And so, I shall start by taking ownership of this because I know that you will love me where I am in spite of where I am. I feel left out. And it's cool. I know that I can't be a part of these things right now. I understand that. But I'm still bummed. And I know that living life together means talking about common experience when you're together. I don't want them to not talk about the book they're all reading or the weekend retreat they're all going on while we're at small group on Tuesdays ... It's just that those topics leave the Betts family out. And that's just a part of life.

A part I'm not crazy about right now ...